


Hardened Hearts and Repeating History

by HamishHolmes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-05
Updated: 2014-06-05
Packaged: 2018-02-03 13:06:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1745702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HamishHolmes/pseuds/HamishHolmes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is why Gabriel was so callous when he asked Cas how the search for God was going.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hardened Hearts and Repeating History

“How’s the search for Daddy going? Let me guess. Awful!” Gabe turned his head away slightly, not wanting to admit that it hurt to say those words, to admit that his dad had abandoned them all to scrabble amongst themselves for leadership.

***

Gabe bounded up the steps, all youthful energy and sugar-high, his voice echoing round the courtyard of God’s palace.

“Daddy!” he yelled, sprinting through the doorway and into the marble hall. Spinning, his eyes roamed for his dad, “look what I made!”

The creature he was carrying squirmed uncomfortably in his arms, but made no real attempt to escape as Gabriel careered around the palace, searching for his dad. Half an hour later, he stood in the centre of the hall again, the creature drooping to sleep in his arms and his eyes confused, brows drawn tight. Hearing a noise behind him, he sprang round with a cry of “Daddy!” but it was only Michael, come to find him.

“Hey Gabe, what’s that you’ve got there?” he asked, crouching to be on his younger brother’s level.

“It’s my platypuss; I made it.”

“A platypus?” murmured Mike, standing straight again, “where do you want to put it?”

“Australia!” cried Gabe and raced out of the doorway, Mike close on his heels.

It didn’t take them long to locate Australia and leave the weird creature there. When they returned, Gabe was shocked to find all of his brothers and sisters stood there, silent and mysterious.

“What?” he asked, glancing round to look at Mike for some kind of clue, but the eldest was giving nothing away, “what?”

“Gabe,” said Michael, lifting the younger boy into his arms, “Daddy’s gone.”

“What do you mean?” asked Gabe leaning out of Mike’s grip to look him in the face properly.

“I mean, he’s not here anymore Gabe. He’s left us now.”

“When will he be back?”

“I’m not sure that he’s coming back Gabe,” said Michael, his voice a mere whisper, but it echoed like a shout of pain in the silence. 

Gabriel leant into his brother and put his arms around the other boy’s shoulders and wept slightly, silently.

***

Gabe wandered around the empty courtyard, head spinning and mind racing. Maybe if he prayed again ...

_Hey Dad. I hope you’re okay wherever you are. I hope that you’re partying down with some cool people, but we could really use you now. Mikey and Raphael fight all the time and I’m struggling to keep us together. I know that if you came home, everything would be okay again. I’m pretty sure that everyone else is upset too, but they don’t want to talk about it. I’m really lonely, because everyone else is always busy and No one wants to see my platypus mark II. I know that you’d want to see it, so why don’t you pop back, even if it’s just for a visit._

Gabe continued to walk, lost in his thoughts and alone. He knew that no one would look for him, or even notice that he was gone. That got him thinking again.

***

Gabe was fed up of everyone fighting as if they knew what was happening as if any of them had a clue how to lead. They could only follow order; they were the sheep, not the shepherd. Quietly, he left the room where he slept, alone and isolated from the other angels, because of his archangel status. He looked around the halls, but there was no one to be found, just as there had been no one to find all those years ago, as he carried his platypus in search of praise. He made it out into the garden and left, zapping himself down to earth.

***

He searched hard, looking everywhere. Every place Dad had ever mentioned liking, every place that was close to where heaven met earth. He roamed the earth, hiding and searching. But he knew where he had got his cunning form and if his Dad didn’t want to be found then he wouldn’t be. There was no question of that. All that Gabe could hope was that Dad was just waiting for the right person (or archangel) to find him. So he scoured the earth and the parts of heaven long abandoned and forgotten by everyone else. But there was no hint or scent or whisper of his Dad. Slowly, but surely, Gabe’s heart grew hard, and he lost hope and he lost faith and he stopped looking.

***

When Gabe had heard that Castiel, his youngest brother, was searching for his Dad, he laughed. It seemed ridiculous that someone could still hold out on that childish and pathetic belief that Dad was out there, waiting for the right person (or angel) to find him. It was almost as pathetic as the human’s insistence that their God still existed and still cared. What Gabe didn’t want to admit was how much it hurt. It ached inside him to know that Castiel would find nothing and no one. It was a kind of torture, feeling a spark of hope glowing from the embers of his disappointment and knowing that it would be shot down and snuffed out all too soon.

***

So when he asked Cas how his search for Daddy was going, he couldn’t look him in the eyes, couldn’t admit that even he had been hopeful once. His eyes and head were filled with pain. He was so stupid to believe that Dad had ever cared, and he had wanted Cas to be spared, but it was too late for that. Gabriel felt so useless. He had failed to find Dad. He had failed to stop Mikey and Luci. He had failed to protect Cas. Gabe simply couldn’t look at Cas and see the naive hope that he had once grasped at, and know that the next time he saw him that that light would have been destroyed. So he looked away, knowing the pain of missing someone with all your heart.


End file.
